Just the other day, I got angry at Jason. Later, my son asked me why I got angry. I explained to him that I sinned against Daddy and was being selfish. He kindly responded back, "I think when we get angry like that, we are being disrespectful". Ouch. All could do was agree and seek forgiveness.
So, do I struggle with being respectful? If my 4 yr old sees it, then there are no doubts!
Peace takes us through 5 Biblical Principles. I'm just going to share them and touch on what impacted me the most.
Principle #1
The Wife Is to Respect Her Husband
Peace gives the background of the Greek word for respect
The Greek word for respect is phobeo which comes from a word that means 'to be frightened or to be alarmed.' It means 'to be in awe of, to revere, to reverence, or to treat as someone special.'She breaks that down a little more by using the Amplified Bible,
...let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband - that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.
Seriously, my first thought was, 'this is easy when I feel respect towards him, it feels next to impossible when I don't'.
I'm so thankful that Peace is gifted in discernment because she knows women like me, and how we respond. She immediately addresses that very thought.
This means that the wife is to continuously choose to respect her husband. But, what if you feel (and possibly rightly so) that your husbands personality (character, talents, abilities, ect) doesn't deserve your respect? You may ask, 'Am I released from God's command?' No, because of...
Principle #2
The Wife Is to Respect His Position
Husbands have been given authority over their families by God. ....The respect is to the position, not necessarily to the personality.
In order to honor my Lord and my husband, this is something I have got to preach to myself in those times when I don't feel like being respectful. Ultimately, my feelings don't decide much - they are fleeting, and I need to treat them as such, and choose to obey God's commands. I couldn't just not get up to care for my kids because I don't feel like being a mommy today or speed on the highway just because I feel like going a little faster today. The first is ridiculous and incredibly selfish and the latter is dangerous, breaking the law, and selfish. We know in these instances, it is good to fight against our fleshly temptations. The commandment to respect our husbands, also, is for our good - to build up our husbands, honor them, set an example for our children and how they respond to authority, AND to sanctify us! It's a good command from a good and wise God, and I have to fight my temptations to respond based on my feelings.
Peace pretty much summed up my selfishness right here,
When you believe yourself to be deserving better, you are likely '...thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think' (Romans 12:3).
This isn't a reflection of Jason not being a good husband (quite the opposite, actually - he's an incredible husband who wants to see me become more like Christ, graciously helping me walk away from sin into the righteousness of Christ), it's a reflection of my selfishness and flesh that will never be satisfied EXCEPT in Christ!!! It was one of those idols creeping in that I told you about before - expecting my husband to respond a certain way in a certain situation. The Lord is using this book to dig up some deep rooted idols I wasn't even aware of! There's so much work to be done, but I'm so very thankful for the work He's started!!!
Principle # 3
The Wife Is to Behave In a Respectful Manner
Hormones, weariness, and even illness are not justification before God to be disrepectful or to sin in any other way. Go will never '....allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able...' (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Challenging!!!
I was very thankful where Peace went with this section, giving some very practical advice. She gives the idea of 1)asking our husbands to hold us accountable to being respectful toward them and 2) if we are struggling, to ask them for some time to swallow their reproof before discussing it
This verse Peace used along with that counsel really struck me like never before,
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, bu the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Proverbs 15:28
This practical advice was so confirming for me. I am definitely one who often needs to step away from the heat of a situation in order to process my feelings and let the Spirit minister to my heart. If I don't do that, I can so easily get entangled in my own thoughts, feelings, and say harsh things based on how I'm feeling in the moment. NOT the way I want to respond. The Lord has led Jason and I through these moments with much grace. And we are learning more and more how to serve one another most effectively in these moments!!
Principle # 4
The Wife Is to Reprove Her Husband Respectfully
The most helpful thing in this section was simply put by Peace,
....instead of self-focused thinking such as, 'How could he do this to me?' think, 'How does God want me to respond to help my husband change?'
Reproofs can be a temptation to look at ourselves and what we want from the person, but that's obviously not the intention!!
Principle #5
The Wife Who Is Disrespectful May Experience Severe Consequences
I don't know about you, but that made me cringe a little!!
If you are disrespectful to your husband, the most likely consequence is that your husband may rebuke you. He, too, has a responsibility before God to reprove you when you are sinning (Galatians 6:1). In addition to reproving you, he may feel hurt, lose motivation to be your spiritual leader, allow himself to be paralyzed from taking responsibility as the leader of the family, and/or experience embarrassment and humiliation. Scripture describes how he feels when you are disrespectful: ' a wife who shames him is as rottenness to his bones' (Proverbs 12:4)I never want to bring these temptations to my husband!! Reading it actually makes me feel ill. These are severe consequences that will effect the whole family!!
Oh Lord, give me grace to hold my tongue and listen to your voice when I am tempted, and to respond with a grace-filled, loving response to my husband, my authority, for your glory and for the joy of our family!
6 comments:
"Ultimately, my feelings don't decide much - they are fleeting, and I need to treat them as such, and choose to obey God's commands."
So often, this is what it boils down to for me. Excellent point.
Your whole post was excellent, I loved your insights! This indeed was a challenging chapter. (Not unlike all the others!) :)
This was great...definitely a challenge for me, too.
I'm really struggling with this one right now--in our situation with work and family life, it's easy to say "i deserve better than this"--i've always been challenged with respecting though--thank you for sharing this and giving me fresh definitives.
Shwanda, I always love how you go through the chapter bit by bit and add your own thoughts and share how you have been challenged.
I also am the type of person that needs to step away in the heat of a discussion, so I found that helpful advice too.
I just love that Amplified version, expanding on the word "respect" it really breaks it down.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this chapter. It seems so hard to get all these things right, because I personally know how often I get it wrong, but there is help through the grace of God.
Firstly, I'm enjoying your reflections. I don't have the book but instead get to enjoy the fruits of you hard (heart!) work.
Principle #5 struck a chord: Yes, a wife's disrespect toward her husband can have serious implications for him and the family (and community) as a whole. That said, while it is a truth not to be taken lightly, as a wife, we should be careful not to take the burden of the husband's behaviour as well.
Just as a woman shouldn't allow, "hormones, weariness and even illness" as an excuse for sinning, (well put by Peace, by the way) a husband still has the same charge: despite his family's behaviour, he still must respond in a respectful, loving and godly fashion as well.
Again, while the wife's influence through her behaviour (attitude, words, etc.) *cannot* be under emphasized in the marriage, we (I!) must be careful not to then take on a responsibility that is not ours - the actions of our husband.
I guess where I'm coming from (what I've observed in my own life) is that I start to take these principles and apply them as they are not meant to: Not only am I accountable for myself, but then I start to blame myself for any wrong word/action/behaviour from my husband, too, and that is not my responsibilty! (The emotional and mental burden was overwhelming for me!)
As I mentioned, I haven't read the book, and so I fully recognize that Peace may have brought this up, and /or that just isn't the focus of the book. After all, there are plenty of corresponding books out there for husbands (or there ought to be!). My intent is simply to point out the danger that I've succumbed to and had to be delivered from: applying this principle beyond what (I believe, anyway) it was meant for. By the way, I haven't noticed that inclination in your reflections, it was just my own train of thought!
Keep up the great reflections!
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